pissed

i wonder wat u say to someone, when they dissappoint u. i want to shout at u, but i cant. u never made any promises, at least not any i could hold u to. but i cant help it, i'm boiling. upset and sad, yet boiling. i know i onli have myself to blame, that is the onli thing holding me back from shouting at u, but more so i just want u to hold me while i cry. n for u to tell me that it's goin to be ok, n that i m just being silly. but no, u are in ur oblivious world n i just think u are a fuckwit. why the hell do i fall for fuckwits.

is it so hard to be there for someone when they need you, how much more explicit do u have to be, does i need u to talk to me now, not seem explicit enough. does i need to tok to someone not make things loud n clear? wat else do u have to say?

ah, fuck it. just fuck off.

feelin sobby

I dun know what's wrong. Seriously, I'm not being difficult, I really dun. Just had a good cry, what about I have no idea. IS that normal? I suppose not entirely. NB is at fam dinner, I dun wanna disturb her. N I dunno. I want to call someone but really wat would i say, i'm crying, pls help me stop? Wat abt? I dun really know. I want to say it is just PMS but that seems like such a cop out.

Am i unhappy? I can't realli say yes to that. I thought I was ok, but maybe not. Maybe everyone goes through the feeling of being down in the dumps, maybe we all have a gapping whole somewhere that needs to be filled and mine hasnt been filled yet.

Maybe I need a level of human interaction that has not been fed, somehow I feel my soul aching, dying. Maybe I am havin an allergy attack that is feeding on parts of my brain. Maybe I'm losing my mind. Watever the case maybe, I just hope this ends soon, I 'm starting to scare myself. I m NOT a basketcase. Or maybe it's just cos I missed tennis today?

Of Love and Life

And why does it have to be so difficult? This whole dating and courting thing.
Why is it that people cannot just be honest and upfront? I know everyone is
afraid to be hurt, of course I know, I feel the same way too.
But shouldn't the desire for happiness be greater than the fear of rejection, shouldn't the
sense of self preservation that comes like a double-edged sword be kept aside for that brief moment? If not just to find happiness?

I'm tired of boys testing limits and waters, tired of people who just want to try it out for the sake of not being alone. I want passion, an intensity that burns, that reminds me why I am alive. How can one like someone they've only met once? How can you ask someone to be with you when you've only spoken to them a couple of times? Wat's wrong with these pple? How can you like my fren and then tell me u like me? Are u nuts?

I know I'm a walking contradiction, I want happiness but I want him to come get me. I want passionate intensity but yet I don't like to rush things. I want to be swept off my feet, but I 'm terrified of falling head over heels. I want a love like the song Head over Feet.

I just want someone perfect for me, dun think I'm asking for too much now.